After speaking, training, coaching and consulting for more than 15 years, I have come to the conclusion that most people want to improve, but they don’t want to change.  Big problem!  While it is certainly possible that people may find themselves in a position where the quality of their life or their feeling of success comes without making any significant changes, the odds of this are relatively low.  This doesn’t mean people have to move mountains or take risks that will potentially sacrifice their stability and certainty they have come to know and possess.  In fact, in many ways, true success comes in collaboration with what we have and know, not in abdication of it.

How is this possible?  How can people change, and yet stay the same?  How can they succeed only through change while concurrently maintaining what they have known all along?

To answer these questions, let’s first agree on a basic premise that everyone wants to be successful in some way.  If you observe conversation in any boardroom, or even perhaps a living room, you will hear the echoes of promise and potential.  You will absorb the energy of hopes and wishes as people aspire to more intellectually and of course with relative emotion.   But what we do not often hear is clarity of purpose.  What we do not see is a plan relative to that purpose where the focus is on those activities that connect what is wanted with what is done.  What we rarely find is action, completion, and connection of our life and our behavior to what was once a reason for hope and great promise.

So, what do we see?  We see a drive for what we do not have, but think we need.  We see a longing for things that define our position in society, but not our purpose in the world.  We see an ambition to have and collect in order to define and validate who we are.

Of course, many will read this and say; “Great, another person telling me that money is not important—that having a nice car makes me a bad person.  Well, not exactly.  Money is necessary and a nice car, well, it’s nice.   In fact the possession of things is not the problem; it’s the obsession with them.  Money, possessions, and things, if we have them are not success, but they are rewards that come with success.  Rewards however are different from results.  More specifically, when people look at what they have as a result instead of a reward, they find themselves wanting more of what they have instead of celebrating what they already do.

To truly be successful, one must operate from a position of abundance.  They cannot behave from a position of scarcity.  In other words, in order to grow and be more, one must resonate and fully accept that where they are is exactly where they need to be.  Ironically, this is where change becomes a measure of fear instead of a catalyst for growth.  Sometimes, we find that what is classified as an acceptance of where we are is more so a protection against what we feel we cannot be.  Acceptance in other words is confused with comfort, or the need for certainty.  If we have to “step out of our box” to grow, we become afraid and our defense mechanisms kick in.  But in truth, we don’t have to step out of our box; we just need to expand it.  To do that however, we must fully accept what is in the box so we can use what’s in it in collaboration with our growth, not in conflict with it.

Perhaps one of the biggest examples to this point is the distinction between ideas and inspiration. Often, people generate ideas, whether those ideas require change or otherwise, that temporarily motivate them into a short duration of action.  The problem happens when the idea, one created with the premise of “making things better” seemingly requires a person to take enough action that the normal course of their life is affected.  In such a case, the mind and the body find themselves in conflict given the patterns it knows and the actions desired or perhaps even started.  Often, a person will seek to share their idea(s) with others, not necessarily for participation reasons, but for validation.  But, even when validated, the individual finds their patterns of behavior in conflict with their previously accepted routine.  Now, the individual revisits the others, not to validate the idea, but to manifest the energy for the idea that the individual can no longer sustain.

This creation and attempted carrying out of such ideas is distinct from the concept of inspiration.  Inspiration, while possibly prompted by ideas finds itself without need for validation.  It conception and growth are manifested internally and its expansion into behavior is driven by the purpose it serves and the focus it demands.  Often, instead of needing others to feed the energy to act; inspiration attracts and moves others to act in connection with the movement.

So, how does one apply this practically?  For starters, one must be able to connect with some key ideas and concepts that will help facilitate the inspiration necessary to live in moments of abundance necessary to grow and succeed in spite of or even in harmony with their fears.  These ideas and concepts include the following:

1.      We must be clear about what we want. As a barometer for this clarity, we must be able to distinguish what is truly needed in our life.  Too often, people mistake what they want for what they need.  In fact, many already have what they need, but because they listen from the outside in, allow external messages of what one needs to breakthrough this want/need reality.  What we want is not something we can possess physically, or even feel because of such possessions.  What we want is larger than us, yet contained within us.  It is our purpose, our calling, our message that inspires us not only to move our world, but to change the world for others.

a.       Application: To gain clarity, look for signs in the world of what you could be, rather than symbols of what you are not.  Often, it is not what we see in the world but how we see it based on our readiness to be clear about our true purpose.

2.      We must focus on those behaviors that contribute to our clarity. Sometimes, even with the knowledge that our purpose is evident, our “life to date” carries with it responsibilities and people that do not align themselves with this new found inspiration.  It is in such cases particularly that it is essential that people who have found their clarity, allow themselves time each day to focus on something or things that feed that inspiration and keep their dream alive.  The practical difference here might be to supplement a typical “to do” list with a smaller, but consistent “to be” list.  While we must carry on with the daily duties of life, we cannot dismiss our purpose in life because of them.

a.       Application: Given your identification of clarity, create a list of behaviors, activities, or even patterns of thought that will contribute to who you are inspired to be.  Do not do this with the idea that you will become something or someone, but rather that the process of becoming is what in essence, you will be.  Every day, be it for a minute, an hour, or the entire day, act on the inspiration and reflect on its affect on your thoughts, feelings, and connections to yourself and others.  Identify its presence and its influence on your to do list—how things are done and more so, seen in the bask of this inspiration.

3.      We must do, but we must not be done. Too often, success is retrospective and even a let down if we work towards a destination instead of consistently working towards another. We are ready, we aim, and we fire, only to find that once we hit the target, we are now done.  Now what?  It is as if we aim to climb the mountain rather than embrace the mountain, our connection to and with it and the experience such a climb provides.  We may get to the top of that grand old hill, but without understanding what each step means in those moments we take them, we miss the lesson of the journey for the temporary satisfaction of the destination.

a.       Application: Do not become attached to outcomes or outcomes will become your attachment.  Clear on what you want, and focused on what you must do, allow the process to be your guide, not the end result.

It goes without saying that success for many is a destination.  But when we allow this misconception to be our truth, we cut ourselves short, even if we reach this destination.  Many times, we do not even reach theses ideas of what it means to be successful, thereby creating greater levels of anxiety, doubt and fear each time we come up short.  Should we attach ourselves to an outcome as a measure of our success, we live more days than not, unsuccessful.  And, even in pursuit, should we be able to manage the energy and consistency necessary to reach that peak of the mountain, our lack of true understanding of what it means to us, absent the process, will create a need to have more when in fact, such accomplishment must be a want devoid of an outcome, but abundant in meaning.

Dennis J. Giannetti, MS is the Chief Learning Officer for A New You Revolution (www.anewyourevolution.com) As the CLO for A New You Resolution, Dennis provides, insight, inspiration, and applications to those searching for a way to find their purpose and then act on it with passion.   He is also a consultant and the acting Chief Learning Officer for Illustrated Properties (www.ipre.com) At Illustrated; he provides the organizations agent partners with the tools and concepts to help them “increase the balance in their checkbook, and their life.”

Dennis holds a Master of Science in Dispute Resolutions and an additional Master of Science in Human Resource Development. He has also been a certified mediator and a corporate manager and trainer for large companies nationally.

Dennis is married with two children—his family, his greatest purpose.

You can reach Dennis at dennis@anewyourevolution.com or dguannetti@ipre.com

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